Status update: Zahra

Salaam aleykum!

So I'm just over a week of being a hijabi, and I have to say I'm really not feeling too different. Al7amdullilah, it feels so natural to wear hijab. Of course, it's taking time to ignore the occasional stare, but that comes with patience :)

I have found that it is really hard to go to the gym or do outdoor workouts with hijab on. I get hot really easily when I'm doing any type of physical activity, especially cardio, and with a hijab on it seems like it's ten times worse. This will certainly be something to experiment around with. I will try to keep you posted on what I find that works for me!

Please continue to keep me in your dua'as as I continue with my journey. I love you all so much and thank you for keeping me in your thoughts and prayers!

Until next time,

Zahra

Conversion Story: Lauren A., Part Two

Continued from Part 1...

So, one evening I was preparing to get ready for a big function at one of my aunt’s house. So, I finally wrapped a super-cute hijab around me correctly. I would no longer tie my hijab behind my head. I would no longer feel guilty for being Muslim. I wanted people to see me for who I had become. I thought to myself on the way there on how scared I was inside. I was freaking out. I was going crazy. I was everything except for calm. Upon exiting the car I went into my aunt’s house and went where the party was- downstairs. Everyone was there. I was freaking out to the fullest extent. I was melting inside. My heart felt as if it would just drop out of me at any minute. It did. My aunt’s husband had laughed and said that I looked like a Muslim. In looking back at that I was embarrassed because everyone laughed with him. I gave that fake smile and just ignored the faces and the staring eyes. I went to say hello to my aunt. She gave me a hug and told her husband that I was Muslim.  After that clarification, I felt out of place almost. I saw how I was different. I was no longer just like anyone else. I stood out among others. The music, the lewd dancing, the smoking and drinking got to me. In being in that environment I recognized the beauty of being Muslim. I found solace in knowing that Islam frees an individual from the evils of the world. It seemed like a reality-check for me. I came into afraid and scared, but I came out realizing the beauty of Islam.

On the other hand, I was dealing with life at home. Home was a hard place for me. It was a hard place until I left for college. I would have my arguments at home with my parents about different aspects of Islam, but eventually I stopped. I found our relationship being strained by Islam and Islam doesn’t teach us to argue. When there is ignorance we should simply walk away.  Walking away doesn’t make you a loser, but it makes you the stronger person. The prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) told us that the strong person isn’t the one that can wrestle an individual down to the ground, but the person that can control their anger. I soon told my parents that I wasn’t going to take the disrespect anymore and that I was Muslim. I wouldn’t tolerate the treatment I was receiving. Interestingly, my father became interested in Islam. He would ask me questions and even listen to lectures with me. He would say how Islam seemed like a peaceful way of life and how he was proud of me. He told me he had seen such a positive change in me. I didn’t understand what he meant, but I guess he saw it. So, I was accepting of such a compliment.  In dealing with life as a Muslim convert, I found myself growing in different ways. I found myself walking away from ignorance. I found myself feeling firm upon Islam. I wasn’t going to allow anyone to disrespect me or my way of life. I began seeking knowledge of the religion on a daily-basis, so that I could grow to understand myself as a Muslim. Nonetheless, this time of growing was lonely at times, but years later…extremely necessary.  I no longer hear mocking comments about Islam or Muslims. I no longer fear having my hijab or abaya stripped from my closet. I no longer fear hearing how I will be an occupant of the hell-fire. I came to love Islam and even love my family more. It seemed as though Islam has helped me in recognizing the important things in life. Family is definitely one of them. Islam wants you to keep the ties of kinship and to maintain them. In looking at Asma, the daughter of Abu Bakr (May Allah be pleased with him), she had told the prophet Muhammad (May peace be upon him) how her mother wanted to be in her presence, but she didn’t want to see her mother since she was not Muslim.  The prophet Muhammad told Asma to entertain her mother and to be with her since she wasn’t an enemy to Islam. Islam doesn’t want us to leave our families, but wants us to strengthen the ties we have with them- Muslim or not.

So, in my experience of being a convert I appreciated the trials and the lessons learned. My story may sound sad, but it really isn’t. It’s a story about growth. It’s a story about self-realization and what it means to be a Muslim. If you seek out Allah as your protector then he will protect you, inshALLAH. In the last five years I have found myself extremely fortunate because I have seen the beauty of trials and tribulation. In addition, I have even seen the beauty of seeing my father becoming a Muslim.

We offer our sincere thanks and appreciation to Lauren for sharing her story with us and with our readers. If you'd like to share your story, please e-mail it to us at therevertshijab@gmail.com

Conversion Story: Lauren A., Part One

Finding myself alone at the local library after giving myself the shahada was exciting, but frightening. I had the immediate adrenaline rush, but I had the realization that I would be going back home to my family. I was only 16 years-old at the time of my conversion. I didn’t have any scarves to drape myself with properly except for one that could only be tied up in a bun behind my head, thus exposing my neck and ears.  I didn’t have a clear understanding on proper-dress, but I was willing to cover up as much as possible. When I went home I rushed to grab anything that resembled a scarf and tied it on my head. I was proud to finally wear hijab.  I didn’t know that it was an obligation, but I saw plenty of other Muslim-women doing the same thing.

Upon the arrival of my parents returning home I was in the bathroom performing my prayer in fear that they would catch me. Of course, they did. I was humiliated and degraded. I felt less than human at some points of my initial conversion to Islam. I would often feel ashamed out in public because I knew the intense hate my parents had for Islam. I knew in their eyes and in their comments that having a Muslim daughter was not a part of the plan. I found myself hiding from my parents when I performed my prayers. I would even try closing the door to my bedroom, but my mom would interrupt me. On the other hand, I would go to school to be around friends that were Muslim and they would openly accept me. However, I had to come from that comforting space to a place of horror in many respects. I became more conscious of my Islam and began reading more and listening to lectures every chance I got. I would raid the local library for books about Islam. Sadly, I later realized that many of the books I read were deviant on different levels, but that was the only real source of Islam for me. I would talk to other Muslims and begin going to classes online. I found strength in being around other Muslims. I even listened to how other converts dealt with family and I learned that I had to be firm. I began covering fully in my junior-year of high-school. I didn’t care anymore. I wanted to please Allah. Of course, I had my bumps along the way, but I was certain that I wanted to be known as a Muslim and be seen as a Muslim.

Stay tuned next week to see Part Two of Lauren's story, inshAllah...