Conversion Story: Lauren A., Part One

Finding myself alone at the local library after giving myself the shahada was exciting, but frightening. I had the immediate adrenaline rush, but I had the realization that I would be going back home to my family. I was only 16 years-old at the time of my conversion. I didn’t have any scarves to drape myself with properly except for one that could only be tied up in a bun behind my head, thus exposing my neck and ears.  I didn’t have a clear understanding on proper-dress, but I was willing to cover up as much as possible. When I went home I rushed to grab anything that resembled a scarf and tied it on my head. I was proud to finally wear hijab.  I didn’t know that it was an obligation, but I saw plenty of other Muslim-women doing the same thing.

Upon the arrival of my parents returning home I was in the bathroom performing my prayer in fear that they would catch me. Of course, they did. I was humiliated and degraded. I felt less than human at some points of my initial conversion to Islam. I would often feel ashamed out in public because I knew the intense hate my parents had for Islam. I knew in their eyes and in their comments that having a Muslim daughter was not a part of the plan. I found myself hiding from my parents when I performed my prayers. I would even try closing the door to my bedroom, but my mom would interrupt me. On the other hand, I would go to school to be around friends that were Muslim and they would openly accept me. However, I had to come from that comforting space to a place of horror in many respects. I became more conscious of my Islam and began reading more and listening to lectures every chance I got. I would raid the local library for books about Islam. Sadly, I later realized that many of the books I read were deviant on different levels, but that was the only real source of Islam for me. I would talk to other Muslims and begin going to classes online. I found strength in being around other Muslims. I even listened to how other converts dealt with family and I learned that I had to be firm. I began covering fully in my junior-year of high-school. I didn’t care anymore. I wanted to please Allah. Of course, I had my bumps along the way, but I was certain that I wanted to be known as a Muslim and be seen as a Muslim.

Stay tuned next week to see Part Two of Lauren's story, inshAllah...